It started out so simply and intensified. No, it wasn’t inception. The idea ending with an upward intonation gradually took form as the scarf I knit grew slowly, one row at a time.
“Why do I do this to myself?”
This question stems from my short-lived knitting life:
- The panic I felt when I thought I dropped a stitch.
- The sinking pit in my stomach when three rows later, I discover I actually did.
- The struggle for patience when re-inserting the knitting needle, hoping not to miss a loop.
These are all reasons that come to mind why I should not be knitting. Why willingly put myself into this situation that demands time, patience, energy, and tired fingers?
I like knitting because it makes me happy. It makes me happy when after so much toil, I see what I have created. Maybe my piece is not something I would show off, but something for gracious family and friends to nod compliantly to and encourage me to keep practicing.
It is amazing, really: seeing a ball of yarn at $3.79 each gradually take shape. And no matter how many struggles for patience I undergo, even with the dread washing over me when that dropped stitch grows a menacing hole – at the end of it all, I can say
with perhaps suppressed memories of what I experienced “It’s worth it.”
knot thought unraveled for further ponderings:
“God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good ” (Genesis 1:31)
A pastor said that God’s act of creating the universe was not out of obligation, but His grace that offers us the absolute highest privilege of knowing the King of kings. God is entirely self-sufficient.
While I face so many little trials wondering where that stitch went wrong, God is completely in control of everything! Reflecting today on Proverbs 16:33: “The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD” is amazing. How marvelous, that God orchestrated all of history, is Lord over it all, and offers the gift of salvation to undeserving sinners (everyone)! He did not make any mistakes when He spoke all things into being. Nothing happens by accident. And by God’s grace, I am saved! Because of His love, I am washed by Christ’s blood and am being transformed slowly into Christ-likeness, the task of a lifetime and a divine promise He will not give up or forsake me (Philippians 1:6)!
How did God save me? Before He allowed me to comprehend the truth of my inner ugliness and the beauty of Christ’s death and resurrection, I had tangled myself in monstrous knots I thought no one could liberate me from. As tangled as I made my life, however, and as much as I hid within the knots trying to indulge in sin without a thought of deserved condemnation – God patiently waited for years… for me, not desiring for me, or anyone to perish but for all to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). He untangled everything I thrust up in His way and drew me with His irresistible love and grace. The very Being I believed could be ignored I realize I cannot truly live without, am eternally thankful to and rejoice in surrendering my life to Him!
By myself, I am a stubborn person. On my own, I am self-serving, self-loving, lazy and depraved. Christ lovingly shattered everything. “Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us” (Romans 8:34). He intercedes for the children of God!! The King who will return in all His glory in His second coming – HE is interceding on our behalf !
And this entire plan for salvation – this was all determined. Nothing comes as a “surprise” to God – He made all things, is therefore the highest authority of all things, and controls all things. All of history is coming together, and will culminate as an inconceivably beautiful story, all perfectly interwoven and pointing to the magnificence, the beauty, the everlasting glory of our King!
“For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.” (Romans 11:36)